Something a bit different.
Life’s been a bit hard of late. We’ve been having problems (minor) with my daughter, one problem after another since she was born really. I think I’ve always known what the problem is but had hoped it was something she’d grow out of, just a passing phase. It started with her refusing to take a bottle as a baby, being unable to eat solids until six months after the recommended age, dropping her naps stupidly early and most recently we’ve added panic attacks to the six short years of her life so far. With plenty of other stuff in the middle. It’s not fair and it’s not nice, particularly for her. You can’t imagine having spend six hours sitting with and trying to calm down a six year old girl screaming in the middle of the night because she thinks she’s dying of a heart attack and she needs her family around her because she doesn’t want to die alone, it’s heartbreaking.
And so I’m waiting for a referral to the Educational Psychologists, it’s not necessary in diagnosis terms because I already know what it is. She has Aspergers. We’re of course waiting for the official word as my personal friend can’t give me a formal diagnosis, but I know and all of us that know her, know that’s exactly what it is.
Both my husband and father have it. I already know what it’s like, I don’t need to look any further that my immediate family to know she’s the same.
And the thing is, although I know what’s coming, and although I’ve been ready for it for a long time, I feel absolutely gutted because now there’s no hoping it’s a phase, now it’s reality check time.
It’s upsetting to have to deal with this but it’s hard to deal with the stuff at home all the time at the moment, and life is emotional to say the least. I’m sorry to my readers who sometimes have to see me tweet negatively about blogging, I try not to do it often, but sometimes the negativity leaks into other areas of my life. I still love blogging and yes it is disheartening sometimes but other times its the best thing in the world.
On a positive note, I’m back on Weight Watchers and I’m having my gym induction (9lbs lost so far), at the very least it’d be nice to not be worrying about how fat I am amongst all the rest of the crap that’s been raining down on us for years now.
I love you Chloe Jayne, every single bit of fight is worth it, just to have you in my life. You are a legend, your cuddles are the best, you are completely hilarious and so so so so clever. I’m unconditionally proud of you. Always.