Trigger Warnings: Child Suicide, Depression, Mental Health
Today is the day my child planned to kill herself. At the time of writing it is only 9.11am here in the UK. There’s plenty of time.
At the grand old age of 12, my daughter has already racked up and lengthy and substantial record of mental health issues, including overdoses, of which this is simply the most recent.
Although we are open to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS), we have absolutely no strategies in place to guide us through this day. I’ve been shouting into the abyss for years now, begging any agency to help us. But, here we are.
I might feel up to doing a big ranty post sometime, but this isn’t it.
This is the post where I say how much strain living like this puts upon me, and the rest of the family. The strain is unimaginable. The distress is is tangible, like you could reach out and touch it. The air is thick with worry.
This is the post where I say, although I try to carry out life as “normal”, smiling, carrying out my usual day to day activities, smiling and coping, under the surface is a layer of tension that never lets up. Ever.
This is the post where I say I love you my child. Through all the stress, the strain, the rage, the anger, the distress, my life would be poorer without you in it. My world would be desolate.
This is the post where I say, you have SO MUCH to offer, so much potential. The world is ready for the taking. You are worthy, you are special. Live and show the world what you’re made of.
This is the post where I beg you, please, please don’t die. Ride it out, stay with us. We need you.